Juice Before I Murdered Them

Yet another post about my craptastic roommates, and I know that some of you are going to be like “Pfft, whatever, it’s just juice” but I get more than a little pissed off when my stuff is opened and eaten without my knowing!

Yes this is about Juice. It wasn’t a typo in the title.

My parents came down to Ottawa to visit last weekend, as it’s March Break for most people in (not university) schooling, and they were nice enough to take me shopping at the local Metro (grocery store).

They bought me bread, they bought me ham and a variety of cheese, crackers, they also were smart enough to get me some heavy things, things that are more awkward to carry home.

Such as Milk and Juice.

Juice is something I love.

Other people are like “hey, I’ll have some milk and cookies.”

I am like “Hey, sure I’ll have some cookie–OHMYGOD! Is that JUICE?”

Juice lasts longer than milk, it comes in more flavours than milk, it comes in little boxes that DON’T have to be refrigerated, it is a part of my childhood that I have dragged, kicking and screaming, into adulthood.

While my friends were wasting money buying pop, I brought a number of juice boxes to school.

Because one juice box isn’t enough. Nope.

And my friends came to appreciate this, as I keep more than just two, on the not so off-chance I’ll be hanging out after school for longer than anticipated.

It wasn’t as odd as it sounds that they could ask, with some certainty that I would be able to deliver, if I had a juice box for them.

So my roommates OPENING (as in, it was sealed) and DRINKING (as in, I wasn’t the first to drink) about half of the 1.89L of MY JUICE (blood orange, if you’re wondering), just know that I am outraged.

Just about as outraged when I found that they had eaten all of my cheese.

I’m not sure what I’m more angry about, but I am pissed >:  (

And, if they eat all my cheese again on TOP of this, I am going to kill them.

Maybe after spiking all their food with laxatives.

Assholes…

I am just about ready to go to war with them at this point in time, and I will not be held responsible for damage to their food.

Doom shall come to those who come between me and my food…

They haven’t yet made moves against my meat (wow, that sounds vaguely sexual :S), and I am only going to say that they don’t because they don’t know if I’ll be using it for a meal or how long it has been in the fridge.

They certainly don’t pay attention to their own food… I had to, a couple of months ago, throw out a large Tupperware of sausages.

They were already white and fizzy, and were growing blue.

If they do ever eat my meat products (or more cheese, or more juice), then I am going to have a full on hissy fit.

A temper tantrum of epic proportions.

It will not be limited to expressing my anger through blog-form.

Oh, and if they ever tried stealing one of my jars of home-made salsa…

On a more cheerful (and less murderous) note, Mom and Dad seemed to have fun, staying Sat-Tues, and when I had to leave the to their own devices for a bit on Monday while I reviewed/studied, They went on a tour to the Parliament Buildings. I also ended up taking three showers in two days, as I took advantage of the saltwater pool at the Minto Suites my parents stayed at. I also ate spring rolls with plum sauce (that had wasabi mixed into it) that made me want to cry, as I’ve been eating more cafeteria food in an attempt to use up my meal plan.

To the family who reads this, I love you! To everyone else, I love you too! Just not as much as I love my family 😉

Bonus: Delicious foods and instructions to make delicious food, good for runners and “green smoothies” HERE

Revenge via Pink Foam

So, for those who have patiently (or not, you could have just been laughing at my poor luck in roommates) read through my roommate complaints (HERE Read from bottom up to get the by-date of things), you will know that they eat my food, are generally untidy, and I share a bathroom with The Sasquatch, who, to my disgust, leaves hair behind in the shower and in the sink instead of footprints and blurry photos.

But, just now, I believe I have given my own revenge..

Before you get grossed out, please read the title of this post and then see just how creatively gross you could get with pink foam.

I don’t want to do it myself, so I’m just going to say that I am going for confused more than grossed out.

Yeah, see, NOW it’s much easier to imagine doing something confusing with pink foam…

But this requires me to mention something that I am certain I have not gone onto before…

Myself.

Specifically, what I look like, and narrowing that down to my hair.

BTW to those who will not give up on me getting my revenge by doing something gross, no, this is not about shaving either.

I don’t usually dye my hair, and what I have done has been pretty tame considering the ideas most people have about artists.

I have made the tips of my hair darker, I have gotten blonde streaks, I have gotten ‘peek-a-boo’ purple streaks, and, more recently, i have had more noticeable pink streaks (still of the ‘peek-a-boo’ nature).

The dark tips weren’t that noticeable, as that was what I wanted, the blonde-er streaks were noticeable with my hair being much longer, and, though not as immediately noticed (in an “she’s streaked her hair” noticeable way), the two peek-a-boo streaks have been pretty cool.

They would probably be much more noticeable if they were normal streaks (on the top layer), rather than streaks applied to a ear-level layer of hair. They ‘peek’ through.

Peek-a-boo.

When I was little I was a big fan of Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

This has relevance.

If you are familiar with the old show, you will get references to a plank, and you will also remember that there were three older girls called the Kankers who each had a crush on one of the three Eds.

Lee likes Eddy, Marie likes Edd, May likes Ed, and I freely admit that I had a cartoon crush on Edd (the middle from the picture above)

left to right: Marie, Lee, May

left to right: Marie (Edd), Lee (Eddy), May (Ed). Guess how my young little brain translated my cartoon crush?

I desperately wanted to have blue hair.

I would only stop asking after Mom finally told me that since I was Blonde (ie. yellow hair) if I dyed my hair blue, it would turn Green.

But peek-a-boo streaks are a far cry from full our blue hair, but at some point I may decide I want to, you know, see what my parents reaction to electric blue hair would be.

Maybe have an ambulance on speed dial, in case they take it rougher than I thought.

But back to pink foam.

For those who don’t dye their hair (often, or at all), you can either go for a normal dye or you can go for something that’s more of a stain.

The stain, from what I can tell, is a more vibrant colour, but doesn’t stay as long as a normal dye.

I wanted something a bit more funky, interesting, and hey, the purple had faded enough since I had it done that I decided that, when I was having my hair appointment this family day weekend/reading week, if I was going to have my streaks redone, bright pink wouldn’t look out of place.

So I got the stain.

Wow, that sounds a bit like an omen of doom, similar to the dreaded Black Spot, but maybe less pirate-ey and more…

House wife-ishly?

Not the stain! Not the pink stain!

Who knows, maybe it was the result of that stray red sock in a wash of whites.

But one thing I noticed the second time I was in the shower after having the stain done is that it came out a bit when you were shampooing.

I’m sure it happened the first time I was showering after I had it done, but I only noticed it this time.

It was rather strange seeing the usually white froth of shampoo this odd pink…

But it was only today, when I guess after a more vigorous scrub of my hair that I noticed the pink foam on the walls of the shower did I think of revenge.

I’m going to stop here a moment, and tell you that I’m laughing to myself at the idea of looking at pink foam on shower walls and thinking “Revenge! Bwahaha!”… but I’m also kind of smiling to myself because I wonder at how many people thought of something a bit more gross than… well… this.

Once again I ask that you look at the title of this post, and if you were hoping at the beginning of his post for some vindictive bit of nastyness from a 19-year-old with roommate problems, well, you will have to wait for one of them to push me past my boundaries a fair bit farther to get me to make a mess that I may have to clean up.

Or try to outlast one of my less than clean roommates in NOT cleaning up.

But oh! When I noticed the pink foam lasting on the walls of the shower, Insanity perked up and loved the idea of The Sasquatch’s confusion.

Revelled in the idea of him being so confused as to what, exactly, it could be, this pink foamy stuff on the wall of the shower, cackled in delight when even Sanity couldn’t give an explanation that would make sense without hair dye knowledge, because that would mean that thought could go to one conclusion…

That it must be something gross.

Gross, and girly.

It doesn’t matter that it’s foamy like soap (exactly like soap), it was pink and strange… and foreign.

What could I have possibly done with this strange pink foam in the shower?

Bwahahahaahaha!

It matters not that he wouldn’t be able to figure out anything specific…

The horror of an unknown gross an girly thing will haunt him every time he even thinks of having a shower!

Bwahaha!

So I flicked more soap onto the shower wall, finished my shower while taking the unusual care not to wash off the foam from the wall, and got myself ready for class.

Later, when I noticed something amiss, I was given another delight, though a rather bittersweet one.

One of my earrings, in my second set of ear piercings, had fallen off.

It was cheap, with a plastic cap acting as a ‘pearl’ and I knew it would eventually break or get lost, but still, I was walking around with only three earrings in, and even if no one else noticed, I knew.

And Sanity said that I must’ve lost it in the bathroom.

Maybe in the shower. Maybe outside of the shower.

But likely the bathroom.

And Insanity reared up with manic delight and said

“He’ll likely step on it! The FOOL! Bwahahahahahahahahaaaa!”

If you do not know the pain of stepping on an earring with a bare foot, you are more likely to know how painful it is to find a Lego piece in the dark, and it is a similar pain.

Except that with an earring there’s a possibility that you’ll poke a hole into your foot, like I did when I was 15.

I have no clue if he found/stepped on the earring, I have no clue if he was weirded out or confused by the foam, I don’t know if either the foam or the earring (or both) were washed down the drain before he even noticed anything…

But it’s my revenge for millions of tiny hairs and other nastyness around the apartment res, and I still imagine Insanity cackling gleefully next to Sanity.

And I know that even Sanity has a smile.

And that is Revenge via Pink Foam.

EDIT: As a bonus, I found this video. It’s things you wouldn’t want to hear from a roommate.

EDIT 2 : For an update on what has happened with my revenge, look HERE and be prepared for childishness.

My Roommate the Sasquatch

I am a student of University of Ottawa, and I’m living in res. I managed to get an apartment style residence, which means that there’s 4 rooms in total, a kitchen area, two bathrooms, and a living room area.

So I have three roommates, two boys and one other girl, and I have to share a washroom with one of the boys…

In my mind I now call him Sasquatch.

I pretty much never see him… he’s hairy… and leaves mysterious signs of his presence via hairiness.

I have posted something in complaint before, HERE, on how he leaves thousands of little hairs on the floor of the shower. It’s disgusting, grosses me out, and I have to spend some time before each shower rinsing the hairs down the drain.

I have also posted a complaint HERE about how my roommates are stealing my food. This is just so you know exactly how unimpressed I am with my roommates.

But earlier this week the grossness from the shower migrated to the sink.

Cue Horrified expression

And I was horrified.

I took this picture not so shortly after I escaped from the nastyness, because I was certain the horrified look that came to my face upon discovery was still there

You know something’s bad when you feel like you have to wash your hands after you wash your hands.

Look upon it in horror!

It’s like all the grossness on the floor of the shower was brought to this smaller area, with dirt and grime and strange blue… stuff to create this concentration of nastyness that, I am pretty much ENTIRELY sure that The Sasquatch heard me complain about from his room…

He possibly even heard me rant to my Mom on the phone later that night, but if he managed to miss the startled “HOLY SHIT!” that flew from my mouth when moved from finishing my business to wash my hands…

EeeeeeEEEEEEEEwwwwwWWWWWWW-eh! Mom make it GO AWAY!

I don’t feel like a baby complaining to mom, because I am GROSSED OUT!

But I am still a bit too much of a wimp to complain directly to him… But perhaps I will print out this picture and put it on his door or something…

"Please stop leaving hair in the bathroom... everywhere. Clean up after yourself... kthxbai!"

Just… Just– EUGH!

It’s so gross! DX

Has anyone else had roommates this gross? What do you DO about it?

His cleanliness gives me the heebee jeebies…

BLEGH!

"Bow ties are cool... THAT is NOT"

Doodled, And One of The Three Bears Did It

Okay, you know how in Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the schtick is that Goldilocks goes into the bears’ house, and eats their porridge, sleeps in their beds, and whatever?

“Somebody ate my porridge!”

“Somebody ate MY porridge!”

“Somebody ate MY porridge, and finished it all up!”

Egads!

“Somebody slept in my bed!”

“Somebody slept in MY bed!”

“Somebody is still sleeping in my bed!”

Egads!

Well, I’m feeling a bit like a single bear, with three POSSIBLE Goldilocks invading.

No, they didn’t sleep in my bed.

No, I didn’t leave out porridge and have it eaten.

But one of my roommates, I don’t know who, ate all of my Mini-wheats. And most of my granola bars.

And, I think, some of my instant oatmeal packs.

I woke up this morning, went into the kitchen of my res, and figured, hey, why not have some Mini-wheats? I mean, I haven’t had more than one bowl of the stuff since the beginning of the school year… why not?

I find the box opened and empty.

“Someone ate my Mini-Wheats!”

Jeez. Thanks guys.

I guess that leaving the stupid box as them saying “By the way, you didn’t lose the box, we/I just finished it…”

And then I looked further down and noticed that My large zip-lock baggie of granola bars–both of them– are mostly empty. Like, of the two bags, I have about 5 left.

“Someone ate my granola bars too!”

And beside that is the slightly emptier looking large ziplock bag of Quaker instant oatmeal.

“AND someone ate my friggin instant oatmeal!”

-_-

That is my unimpressed face right there.

Here’s another one.

UNIMPRESSED I SAY!

Yeah, that’s right, I’m not devastated or anything, I just wan to know what makes any of them think it’s okay to eat my snack food! And not replace it!

I think I’m going to put a couple of sticky notes up that say something to express my unimpressed-ness.

Maybe something like…

“IF YOU FINISH MY FOOD, PLEASE REPLACE IT. THANK YOU.”

Or something like that.

A Girl should be able to eat her mini-wheats when she bought them.

The fact that my Dad bought them for me is irrelevant.

My friend M says she would write “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH MY FUCKING CEREAL!” 😀 What a friend…

In general, I would like to think it would be common courtesy to replace it when you finish about 4/5 of something…

This is worse than when another roomie drank my delicious green drink… I’s called ‘Green Goodness’ and if you know of it, you know it’s pretty bad to steal that stuff…

*sigh*…

>:|

Oh, you should know, I Got an Abortion 2 Weeks Ago.

I have had a total of 2 roommates before coming to university and gaining 3, and it was a mix.

Signs of crazyness are fairly obvious... My last roommate was obviously crazy.

I don’t know much about my 3 roommates right now, other than the excessive shedding-and-not-caring-ness of one, and knowing what their majors are (business, law, and science, and me, in fine arts :|), so this post will be about my first roommate, who wasn’t crazy, and my second roommate, who was.

It would be fair to say that actually, my first roommate was Emma, but she’s my sister. And it happened when I was younger, so…

Yeah.

N was my first roommate, in Rangers. The rooms were small, didn’t have a door because it would be a fire hazard, and was set up with a bed, shelf, and hanging closet bit on either side of the room. N was great, though in the way that everyone seemed to get roomed, she and I weren’t very similar, were in fact very different, and the only real complaint I ever really had about her was that she would come into the room and immediately take off her shirt and strut around in her sports bra. Lexy once told me of her friend no-pants Alex, who was called that because as soon as he got home he would take off his pants, regardless of who was over, and strut similarly around in his boxers. N was like that too, but I feel that there is a difference. N had gigantic boobs, and complained about them often.

Hm.

But I mainly want to talk about my roommate from this summer, the one who shared a room with me for the two months I worked at Grundy Lake.

She was insane.

Insane in a fairly quiet way, but made her insaneness known within the first ten minutes of knowing her, before I had even finished unpacking. She’s insane in a way that makes you go “Whyyyy?!?”

Ten minutes in to unpacking, while my parents have gone to grab another box from the van, and she looks up from her own organizing, and mentions, in a casual voice “Oh, you should know, I got an abortion about 2 weeks ago.”

Me and sanity: What?

"Me NOT Want to Know!" "I'se just telling you--" "NOT WANT" "Youse should KNOW--" "NOT WANT!"

Insanity: *laughing* I don’t have anything to add.

On the outside though, I look at her and say “Um, okay? Good for you…?” What else am I going to say? WHAT would you say to someone who tells you this? I’ve known her name for less than an hour! Then, she ups the crazy.

“Oh, I didn’t want to have the abortion, but the babies were already dead inside of me.”

Excuse me?

“Um…”

Insanity, by this point, is on the floor laughing, and can’t get the breath to say anything, and me and Sanity are looking at each other and at this girl and thinking about how this girl will be sleeping in the same room as me for the next 60-odd days… oh boy…

But then my parents come in, and so the crazy is hidden away again, or at least she doesn’t really speak after that.

When walking down to the main gate to fill out some paperwork with a couple of my co-workers, one asks who has gotten the abortion story so far.

At least she isn’t restricting all of her crazy to me then…

She also, by tat point, had been talking about how her phone could go up to 50 feet under water, and how it could also then be shot ot of a cannon and still be usable. The girl at the store showed it to her, by putting it in a bucket of water and by throwing it on the ground. Bull.

I now have the same phone as she has, an Android Smartphone, and no, it will still be unhappy and broken under water, and I have a case around it because I’m not going to throw it on the ground. My phone will take enough abuse from me with out me testing for its aquatic abilities and shooting it from a cannon.

So I have a crazy, story-telling roomie… huh…

Later on in the summer, she tells me more about the abortion (I did not bring it up, and was in fact in the middle of reading). She admits that she was more than a couple of months along, and that she would have had twins, if she hadn’t had the procedure.

No really.

“By the way the doctor said that if I have a nosebleed, call the ambulance because I could die.” More crazyness O_O

She then goes on to talk about how it was her fault for getting the abortion, and her boyfriend has just texted her saying he wished she hadn’t. This boyfriend, by the way, is not the guy who knocked her up. She is now feeling guilty, but the babies were dead already with holes in their lungs. She says she thinks it’s because she was smoking.

Smoking while pregnant.

Holy Jeeze, she thinks that it’s because she was smoking while drinking.

Really.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I last saw her, and thinking back, I still have No Idea how I could have responded any better than the “Really”, “Uh huh”, and “Hmm” responses that I ended up giving when she decided to share.

I sometimes think that perhaps if I had stayed silent, MAYBE she would have dropped the idea of telling me of her crazyness. Maybe.

Occasionally we would have normal conversations, talking about what kind of work we did (Thank God we had different jobs– me in Maintenance and her as a Naturalist), and she took a lot of trips, either to her house which was like 20-30 minutes away, or she would go with her boyfriend, or she would go on an out trip with the other Naturalists… Entire nights without the worry that I will hear aout boyfriend troubles, about her worries about her post-abortion figure, about how she didn’t fucking swear….

Yeah… Normal roommate, and then the crazy roommate, and now I have three…. one of which is hairy and shedding.

But at least they all seem normal. And I haven’t heard any I-Don’t-Need-To-Know stories.

Yet.

Anyone else have crazy roommate stories?

It’s Just Gross. Really.

I room with two guys and one girl, and we each get our own room, and there’s a washroom for each pair of rooms in my apartment. there are two rooms and a washroom at either end of the kitchen/living room area, and yes, it is awesome.

One might think, since there are an even number of girls to guys, that the two rooms on one end of the little hall would be the guys room, and the two rooms on the other end would be the girls.

Not so.

I don’t mind sharing a wall with H, and in general even if I was sharing a washroom with J, the other girl, I still wouldn’t keep my shampoo and whatever in the washroom, because I don’t like keeping it on that stupid little shelf in the shower. Water gets in the caps and everything sucks, and soap scum builds up where they sit, and in general it’s just gross o have to use a watery, soap scum-ey shampoo/conditioner/soap/face scrub/whatever.

So I avoided that bit of grossness.

What I didn’t avoid is the tiny black hairs that H leaves in the shower, all over the floor.


They aren’t mine, I checked after my shower. I don’t leave little black hairs all over the shower floor.

I had some friends over, and there was joking, and a lot of bathroom breaks,and they eventually decided to open the frosted door that led into the shower, to, you know, check it out. One wasn’t even going to Ottawa U, and the other is in a different residence, one where there are a couple of showers per floor, not per room (she only has one roommate, and it’s one room), so it was understandable. One wanted to compare, the other wanted to get an idea of what she would be dealing with next year after her grade 13.

M, who goes to Ottawa U, laughed in a way that said that she was grossed out, and said: “You have pubes all over the floor!”

S, who doesn’t go to Ottawa U, looked over M’s shoulder for a moment, and offered: “Maybe its leg hair? He is a guy, so…”

Either way it’s gross, and I shouldn’t have to spend a few moments washing leg hair/pubes down the drain before having a shower. Hair on the floor of the shower is almost as bad as glitter on anything.

So my main question right now, other than “why me?”, is “Doesn’t he notice he’s shedding?” I feel like I wo

uld feel better if he was part cat or something, then it would be  bit more understandable.

ooh, need a shave....

It’s gross, and I don’t know how to bring this up without sounding like the crazy roommate. The best I’ve come up with is “Could you, like, clean the shower after you use it? Like,make sure everything has gone down the drain?”

I made a freaking video of it, because a picture didn’t do it justice.

I don’t know what he’s doing, perhaps he’s shaving, but shaving after/during every shower?

There’s a sink if it’s your face, and if it’s something else, do you really need to shave it?

Ugh, and the only other gross thing about res right now is how messy my room is and how we desperately need to get a bigger garbage can.

Great.

Just–Really guys, if you are sharing a shower with someone (I don’t mean at the same time), be thoughtful to what might gross them out. Be thoughtful to what might bug them.

Girls, clean hair from drains, Guys, clean up whatever you drop, and both, try to avoid having to share a shower.