Tired

It’s very easy to wallow in the feeling of sadness and the lack of any urge to do something. 

Very. Very easy.

Especially if you’re experiencing a sudden change in your day-to-day life. You lose some part of the ritual of your 24hr day.

Your pet dies, you lose your job, you move someplace new, you’re removed from someplace you’re comfortable in, you finish a long-term goal… something you’ve been working on is no longer an option, and it’s a weird, sad sort of feeling. 

It makes me tired. 

It seems like suddenly everything on depression has been popping up in videos, has been coming up in articles, in every social media and blog-ish type thing, so in my infinite wisdom, and knowledge of the subject, after noticing this tiredness soon after… a big change in my life, that took away a portion of what I did every day, I’m not quite up to talking/writing about it now, I was like, Ah, Yes, Depression. Hmm

I think the start of depression is enforced stagnation. Except that doesn’t quite get the right idea across, I think. Stagnation in general sounds bad, and, ike flat soda or water that’s been left out too long, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Enforced stagnation sounds a lot like you have no choice but to stagnate. 

Not what I was trying to get across. 

Enforced stagnation is when you’re stuck in a rut, stuck in a divot in your life that so far, no matter how many times you try to pull yourself away from it, you end up rolling back to where you were before. I think some people don’t even notice that it’s happening, which must be even more upsetting as you can look around your divot, see nothing wrong, but still feel unhappy. 

And, seque of all segue’s, I think this is why tiredness goes hand in hand with depression. Because it is very, very easy to get tired of failing. 

Also failing is stressful, and wouldn’t you rather have a nap than deal with stress? I would. 

Because, as Lexy has so eloquently put it, my spirit animal is an ostrich. Avoidance is key. 

But I have a plan to get out of any kind of funk I may soon experience– because this change-in-life-and-daily-ritual of doom actually only happened earlier today, so kudos to myself for jumping on this writing opportunity while it’s still grumbly– but am feeling tired already. 

Like, I wanted to just go to sleep at 7pm. 

I’m 21, got up at about 9am, and was feeling exhausted enough to want to end the day at 7pm.

Fuck if I’m going to let that be my week. 

So, my game plan is to get the ball rolling again. Hard to do, as I think that just before The Change Of Doom the ball had been slowing down exponentially, but still doable. 

So I look at The Big Goal. 

What does it take to get there? Ah, yes, part A must first be completed. 

Want a certain job? What will it take to get there? Schooling? Need money first? Is there another job you can do to get money, or perhaps can you take a course or look for an apprenticeship program so that you can get yourself moving in the direction you want. 

The thing about having a Big Goal is that it’s a bit like a Gorgon. It’s the Medusa of your life. It’s much safer, less likely to freeze you to a standstill–less likely to turn you to stone–if you come at it sideways. Use a mirror and come at it from different angles. 

Or, if Greek Mythology isn’t your thing, how about mountain analogies? Everyone loves those. 

Big Goal is at the top. How do you get there? 

Well, you could climb straight up, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll have the right equipment for it. Much more dangerous, and what if you turn out to be afraid of heights? I’m not saying you shouldn’t face fears, or try something daring, but you should also be aware of your own limits. Push them, but don’t push yourself off the side of a cliff. Because you might just find  better path up the side of the mountain.

It may zig-zag, and hey–there might be parts where you can climb straight up to get to the next part of the path!–but you’ll find waypoints on the path up, you’ll build yourself up along the way, and should you slip…

well. Less of a drop straight down, and much less likely to cripple you. 

Wow I’m cheerful right now.

But now it’s 12 and I’ve challenged myself enough and NOW I can go to sleep.  

 

Christmas Break is coming, so here’s Zombies!

It totally makes sense.

Break is coming up, therefore exams are here right now, and going by that logic, I don’t have any brains due to an influx of Zombies.

It makes sense.

It also makes sense that I watch YouTube when my mind is begging for no more brain eating.

So I watch Tobuscus.

He mentioned a song called ‘Re: Your Brains’ way back in one of his earlier videos.

So I check it out.

You should too. It’s funny as hell.


Tobuscus mentions this song because he writes from the other side… he titles it ‘re: re: Your Brains’


It’s amusing as hell, and reminds me of Lexy’s problem with crazypants at work.

She has mentioned to me a number of times that she worries that at some point crazypants will snap and come to work carrying a machete, and somehow that weapon translated to shotgun in my mind (another likely weapon for crazypants) which brought me to Zombies, which brought me back to the fact that I’m going to have to study more in a little bit.

I’m tired.

Parents, don’t bug your kids to study if they’re in university.

If you’re going to call them, call them to talk. just talk.

Not about studying.

Mom, if you read this,please take it to heart to not continuously bring it up.

Tonight, I’m going to talk to you about Christmas trees, funny things that I’ve seen, and the possibility of making a batch of cookies later today or tomorrow.

Braaaaiiins…

Also, here’s another funny video from Tobuscus, about how he finds a hamster loose in his home… he doesn’t have a hamster…

It made me laugh, and helped fend off the Zombie horde.

Oreo Cakesters are Ruining my YouTube Experience

You know those stupid ads that go on before popular YouTube videos? The ones that you can’t skip?

Yes there are the ones that you have to wait 5 seconds for before you can choose to ‘skip this ad’ (and I usually don’t do that as those are the interesting ones… the interesting moves and video games and whatnot are COOL), but those pop up only occasionally.

I have seen so many of those as I’m waiting out my procrastination period, watching that little yellow bar at the bottom jump its slow way across the video screen, oftentimes with the volume off, and today I have been attacked by 6 Oreo Cakester commercials.

4 of them were different.

They are so irritating, and you can never skip the irritating ones.

Earlier I was watching one of my shows online, and the pre-show commercial thing (thankfully it was the 5 seconds=skip one) was for Tide.

I’m sure you’ve seen the one… it looks like it could be from a friggin horror film at first, with some creepy looking guy with a limp dragging something, and there’s bad music in the background… and then they show stretching, fading, and whatever of clothing, but  like the clothing is being tortured, and with the dramatic music and an angry seagull in the background making it sound tense and dramatic.

It’s an amusing commercial.

The first few times…

Then I started to put it on mute, because there’s only so many times you can listen to an angry seagull squeal and watch an ugly sweater get stretched before you get really sick of it and just want to watch your cartoon already.

Fellow fans would smack me for calling anime a cartoon, but anime is a cartoon. Manga is also a form of comic book.

Get over it.

But this commercial was on every episode I watched, and stupid megavideo sometimes popped up to say that I’ve watched so and so many minutes, please wait 30 minutes, and then I have to re-load it all and wait for the stupid video to quit it, and since the red button of “wait to see if you have to wait another 10 minutes before you can resume watching on megavideo” happens after the commercial, I have to go through it many more times.

I think the clock for megavideo is slow, as I took to timing myself. about 34ish minutes after it said o wait 30, I check, and it says “Please wait 4 more minutes” OR that 4 is changed to a 1 and I wonder WHY do they have that???

WHY can’t they just have an extra long loading process before showing the green “Press the sideways triangle of PLAY” button pops up to say go ahead.

So those two commercials are irritating me, but at least the Oreo cakesters have some amusing new ones that they’ve recently been attacking me with.

I like Oreos, but for some reason the cakesters make me think that perhaps I would feel an extreme case of nausea after eating one.

YouTube, stop it.

You too Megavideo, but at least ALL the ads you show are the 5sec=skip ones.

Thank You.

Pump up the awesome? NO.