Black Cat Analogy? For my own use…

I just found this:

Black Cat Analogy

It’s very clever, but I was thinking, what about for me?

When I was little we had two cats, one creme with orange tips to his ears and tail (Eric), and a sort of purplish grey cat with a black face, ears, tail, legs,feet…

Yeah. Now we have this guy.

Gwynn in Snow 2011

So I decided perhaps it would also make sense if I were to adjust this to a Fluffy Pale Dog Analogy…

So then.

To set the scene, you’re out with your fluffy pale dog, enjoying the snow as it falls, and you’re letting him romp around in the snow…

PHILOSOPHY is sort of like, while on this walk, your dog (Let’s call him Gwynn) bounds off into the surrounding wooded area, and you lose sight of him. You can hear him though, and try spotting him by following the sounds.

METAPHYSICS is like if, on your walk, Gwynn runs over to the other side of a hill and is out of sight, and you call for him because you can’t hear him anymore. Then, when you go to follow where you last saw him go (and you’re sure he isn’t there anymore, as you’ve already called his name in varying tones of excitement and command), there is movement from the corner of your eye, and you can feel low in your heart that what comes back isn’t going to be your fluffy dog, but a slicked down dog who has found something to roll in…

(That thing was dead and half melted despite the snow)

THEOLOGY is like losing sight of Gwynn, and calling for him, and you see movement, and out from the scraggly underbrush comes–! An entirely different dog.

What? That’s not Gwynn!

SCIENCE is like getting tired of calling for Gwynn, he’s obviously found something interesting to sniff and/or roll in, so you start running, treats in hand. Surprise, surprise, Gwynn comes, and is more likely to come back again, because he knows you’re packin’ that dried liver he loves so much.

Yeah. Just a bit of fun 🙂  Maybe I’ll add more pictures to this later.

Word Exchanges– Why not use Grumpy instead?

So, in general, if I find a word, or group of words, that can convey the same message as something a little more crass, I’ll use it.

It usually works for me, it’s usually understandable, and it means I have these words, or this word, to fall back on to be a bit more diplomatic.

Or, you know, can say this in front of children and the elderly without the brain-pinching panic of No-Wait-I-Take-It-Back!

Lately I’ve found myself even thinking these words, but I’ve found that some don’t translate… quite the same way.

And sorry, but this explanation is going to require these word replacements as well as the replacement-ee’s.

The word that seems to be getting lost in the exchange is my usage of ‘Grumpy’

Not THIS Grumpy, no. More like the emotion/attitude that is his namesake.

Usually I’m using this to tell people that yeah, in general, you seem a bit defensive, or sharp, or mean lately.

This does seem a bit juvenile, yes. It seems like the kind of thing that you would even ask a 5-year-old (or mockingly ask an adult) if they were being grumpy.

Perhaps even being a Grumpy Pants.

But add-ons to this have a variety of translations in my mind.

->”You’ve been a bit grumpy lately…”

Translates into

“Go take a nap or something… relax.”

->”Stop being so grumpy.”

Translates into

“You’re being mean. Stop  it.”

->”You’re really grumpy lately.”

Translates into

“You’re snapping at people like a wounded bear.”

->”Why are you so grumpy all the time?”

Translates into

“Stop coming after anything I say like a wounded bear with a chainsaw and a misdirected grudge!!”

->”You’re being really, really Grumpy right now”

Translates into

“You’re being a bitch. STOP IT.”

->”Someone’s grumpy then…”

Translates into 

“You are being so mean right now you’re making me angry, don’t bug me right now”

->”Well I guess we all know who’s the grumpy one right now…”

 Translates into 

“You are being horrible, leave me alone so I can seethe, or I’ll bite you in the FACE! Like a SHARK!”

And usually it goes on from there, until it gets back into some swearing, varying in intensity while sounding vaguely the same, like:

“Well that was bitchy…”

Which Equals

“Why would you say that you horrible person! That was hurtful!”

to

“You’re being a bitch right now. A huge one.”

Which Equals

“I AM A WOUNDED BEAR WITH TWO CHAINSAWS AND A SHARK WHO WILL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF! Stop poking me with a stick dipped in acid and burning with the flames of your bad day/week.”

(a rough translation)

The shark is behind you, waiting for my signal.

So yeah, grumpy sounds preschool, but it’s unusual enough in conversation that it usually makes people stop and reevaluate the conversation thus far, and sometimes other conversations they’d had that day.

It also results in come-backs like “What are you, a child?”, said with such scorn it could peel upholstery from furniture and varnish from wood.

Other such grumpy responses are also the norm, but, after that, reflection usually happens, and I find that people can’t NOT feel like maybe they should think things over after they spew their vitriol at someone who uses words like ‘Grumpy’.

So really, I think it works, even if people sometimes don’t understand that I’m not being childish OR patronizing when I say they’re being grumpy.

Because really, we’re all a little Grumpy every now and then.

Video Vendredi – Simon’s Cat

Hope you all enjoy 😀

 

P.S. Video Vendredi is where I post videos that I find amusing or spectacular or well done, and hope to share with other people. I didn’t make this wonderful bit of animation, and you can find more Simon’s Cat videos on YouTube

Dog Training: How to Ignore Cats

First of all, for more on dog training and on general dog-related things, I would go to my Sister’s blog HERE because with me in university, she has quite a bit more contact with our pooch now.

Gwynn is an Aussie-doodle (australian shepherd and poodle mix) with a good temperament, plays well with dogs, and has an unfortunate habit of going batshit crazy over cats.

When visiting relatives/ family friends who have cats, he will go absolutely bonkers to get to them t play.

Cats are a new species to him, a strange and mysterious one that he ha never had the chance to play with before.

To him, they are like leprechauns. Ones that you (and it seems like only you) see every once in a while. It is very confusing for him when he sees a cat on the porch of some house, or walking down the street, because he wants to play with that cat so badly, an it doesn’t seem as though Lexy or I have caught sight of the Leprecat, even though it’s RIGHT THERE.

This is a bit of a bother to my sister and I, and to the rest of the family, because it’s very hard to have a nice family visit with the Dog there acting like a cat addict going through withdrawal symptoms while we wave cats in front of his face.

We aren’t, by the way, waving cats in front of his face.

BUT to hep stop him from going through this act of apeshit crazyness, we have worked on training him out of it when we can.

I managed to take a video of it a while back, when we were going for a walk and happened to see a cat hanging out on the porch of one house.

Here is what happened.

To explain the training a bit better, we are trying to train Gwynn to get into the habit of thinking that when he sees a cat, he should sit down and look to Lexy (or, later, whoever is holding the leash).

Since the cat was there, we had him sit down next to Lexy and he would get a treat every time he looked up at my sister.

We didn’t have a clicker on hand with us, so when he looked up at my sister she said “yes” to indicate what she was giving him a treat for. He looks up, “yes”, Treat.

That way, if he looked away before my sister managed to get the treat for him, he wouldn’t get confused and think he was getting the treat for looking at the cat.

This is working somewhat, but since it’s rare that we find a cat willing to stick around for us to stand there and play this training game, it is slow going.

To give you an idea of why, exactly, we would like him to at least calm down a little in regards to cats, it isn’t just for social reasons.

When walking, if we don’t see the cat before Gwynn does, he will lunge towards the cat with the probable hope taht if he can just get to it fast enough, they could be friends.

This usually results in my sisters arm to get jerked (painfully, as it has happened to me as well), and risk loosing grip of his leash.

This is not good.

If anyone has any other suggestions on how to teach your dog to be calm around cats, please feel free to mention, and please check out my sisters blog for more 😀

I believe she has a section describing the training classes that she (and I, earlier) have gone to, and other training tricks of hers.

Also feel free to share any funny walking stories. I think that this kind of training can be done for squirrels as well 😉

Thanks!

It’s Just Gross. Really.

I room with two guys and one girl, and we each get our own room, and there’s a washroom for each pair of rooms in my apartment. there are two rooms and a washroom at either end of the kitchen/living room area, and yes, it is awesome.

One might think, since there are an even number of girls to guys, that the two rooms on one end of the little hall would be the guys room, and the two rooms on the other end would be the girls.

Not so.

I don’t mind sharing a wall with H, and in general even if I was sharing a washroom with J, the other girl, I still wouldn’t keep my shampoo and whatever in the washroom, because I don’t like keeping it on that stupid little shelf in the shower. Water gets in the caps and everything sucks, and soap scum builds up where they sit, and in general it’s just gross o have to use a watery, soap scum-ey shampoo/conditioner/soap/face scrub/whatever.

So I avoided that bit of grossness.

What I didn’t avoid is the tiny black hairs that H leaves in the shower, all over the floor.


They aren’t mine, I checked after my shower. I don’t leave little black hairs all over the shower floor.

I had some friends over, and there was joking, and a lot of bathroom breaks,and they eventually decided to open the frosted door that led into the shower, to, you know, check it out. One wasn’t even going to Ottawa U, and the other is in a different residence, one where there are a couple of showers per floor, not per room (she only has one roommate, and it’s one room), so it was understandable. One wanted to compare, the other wanted to get an idea of what she would be dealing with next year after her grade 13.

M, who goes to Ottawa U, laughed in a way that said that she was grossed out, and said: “You have pubes all over the floor!”

S, who doesn’t go to Ottawa U, looked over M’s shoulder for a moment, and offered: “Maybe its leg hair? He is a guy, so…”

Either way it’s gross, and I shouldn’t have to spend a few moments washing leg hair/pubes down the drain before having a shower. Hair on the floor of the shower is almost as bad as glitter on anything.

So my main question right now, other than “why me?”, is “Doesn’t he notice he’s shedding?” I feel like I wo

uld feel better if he was part cat or something, then it would be  bit more understandable.

ooh, need a shave....

It’s gross, and I don’t know how to bring this up without sounding like the crazy roommate. The best I’ve come up with is “Could you, like, clean the shower after you use it? Like,make sure everything has gone down the drain?”

I made a freaking video of it, because a picture didn’t do it justice.

I don’t know what he’s doing, perhaps he’s shaving, but shaving after/during every shower?

There’s a sink if it’s your face, and if it’s something else, do you really need to shave it?

Ugh, and the only other gross thing about res right now is how messy my room is and how we desperately need to get a bigger garbage can.

Great.

Just–Really guys, if you are sharing a shower with someone (I don’t mean at the same time), be thoughtful to what might gross them out. Be thoughtful to what might bug them.

Girls, clean hair from drains, Guys, clean up whatever you drop, and both, try to avoid having to share a shower.

Insanity and Sanity; The Two faces of the Same Turtle.

Oops, of course I mean the two erasers for the same coin.

But every Interesting Conversation Happens from Bad Listening

Loin?

What? Sorry, I wasn’t paying affection.

You have butt affliction? And Paid force it?

Neverwind.

Right.

I mishear many things when having conversations, and more often than not it isn’t because I’m getting old and losing my hearing, even though I’m not even 20 yet.

Wind, Hats with flaps over the ears, cars, traffic, trees, distracting things, music, people, and mumbling are all old frenemies of mine. Friendly enemies.

Because of that group I have had many conversations that has lead to much laughter, and a bit of going off topic, but it has also made me seem insane on more than one occasion.

“Hey, did you want to go to the park later?”     A friendly question.

“What?”     Startlement. Shock. Experience that says that they should be repeating what they said before I call the cops.

“Um, Did You Want To Go To The Park Later?”   Unsure, and curious.

“Oh, sure! I thought you said something totally different! I thought you’d said ‘did you want to bury the body later?’ hah!”    Relief. Confusion that my friend is backing away slowly.

I eventually developed a way to distinguish what people are actually saying from the insanity that my mind replaces their words with, but I feel it also caused me to develop something often seen in cartoons.

You know, the little cartoon Angle and Demon that poofs onto the characters shoulders? One suggesting you do the Right Thing, and the other saying To Hell With It! HAVE FUN! BWAHAHAHA!

But I don’t get the hallucinations, don’t worry.

Instead I have a small division in my mind with my Insane Side and my Sane Side.

Insanity translates what she hears to something she finds more interesting, shouting out to my consciousness what is being said.

Sanity Listens, writes down what is said, and then says what was actually said.

My Insane side is hunched over and grinning madly, giggling occasionally as the rest of the world goes by and fiddling with its thumbs. Occasionally Thumb Fights break out. Insanity only occasionally pays attention to the world outside of my head since it finds it so boring, but makes an effort to make it a little less boring by giving translations to what other people are saying to me. Of course she does it out of the goodness of her heart. After all, her heart was drawn onto her shirt really well, and even Sanity mentioned that it was pretty good.

My Sane side sits off to the side reading a book and listening to the outside world, a notebook off to the side. She occasionally looks up at Insanity to check what she’s up to, and often times writes down what she’s muttering to herself and her thumbs, and sometimes what she’s doing. Sanity makes sure that when Insanity pays attention to the outside world, she doesn’t try to affect it. When she does, Sanity writes it down and tries to fix whatever she’s done.

Sanity likes Insanity because Insanity is interesting, and writes down what Insanity does to laugh over later, and oftentimes what is in that notebook ends up in dreams and in my imagination. Sanity, as funny as it sounds, is my inner-novel-writer, even if she is a bit obsessive compulsive.

Insanity only likes Sanity when Sanity is being interesting, or when she’s managed to yell out translations loud enough to confuse Sanity and make her say “Yep, that’s what I heard as well… CONFIRM BEFORE CALLING COPS!” Insanity guides my hand when I’m drawing, and gets distracted easily, so my picture of a cow quickly turns into something abstract and awesome in a way that a normal bovine creature cannot be unless it is a CREATURE. Because of this distraction though, she also regularly finds new and more interesting things to think about, and is the voice in my mind saying “Lets do something else now… We can finish this later, kay? Bwahahaha…”

I will likely draw these figures before long, and will post them here once I figure out how to use the scanner on my printer…

Until then, I kind of picture them like Waldo and Odlaw (Odlaw, for those of you who don’t know, is Waldo’s brother.)

See? Two sides of the same Turtle.

See?

Oftentimes, even after I’ve finished getting over the fact that the person I’m talking to has not, in fact, invited me over for a Nazi party (:O), or jokingly called my a nipple (:S), or even asked me if I wanted to bury the body later, my insane side will still be muttering about how I should be worried, because They only corrected themselves because my reaction said that I don’t like Nazis and I would be a joykill rather than a jewkill at the party, and they called me a nipple because they have a malformed nipple that looks like a person–perhaps even like me personally–and They figure they can tell me about the body later, after they’ve buried it in my back yard.

This sometimes leads to more miscommunication, as my actual consciousness is busy laughing over the ridiculousness of what Insanity is muttering, and Sanity is too busy writing down what is being said to pay attention. Sanity likes to analyze these things later.

All in all, it leads to some interesting conversations, and an interesting mental picture of what Sanity and CRAZY would look like, as well as a kind of inside joke with my sister and a few friends who I’ve mentioned my sane and insane sides to.

How to Untangle Headphones (and Never Want to Use Them Again)

One of the online comics that I read regularly would be Two Lumps (can find in my favourite links page), and one of them mentioned a rather odd video that I hadn’t ever seen before: “How to Untangle Headphones Using a Cat.”

I was rather curious about WTF they were talking about, so I Googled it and let the Youtube video load.

Here it is:

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pretty much my reaction right there.

Shock, grossed-outedness, a bit of laughter, and a dash of “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THE POOR CAT?”

If you had any combination of these reactions, you’re on the same side as my Sane side.

If your reaction was to wonder “What about if you don’t have a cat?” You obviously have a very similar Insane side to you as I have.

Yeah.

That cat was probably like this cat off screen:

“OmnomnomNomnom, Nomnom, nom…nom… WTF GUYS?!? NOT cool.”

Floss your cat indeed…