Achoo!!! A Thought.

I hate it when you sneeze and aren’t prepared for it. Or you ARE prepared for it in the last second, and still turn away from sneezing on anyone/thing you shouldn’t. It’s good you don’t sneeze on a friend/stranger or your computer screen, but you always end up sneezing on yourself.

Mostly I just hate sneezing down my shirt.

I don’t know if guys have this issue, but I know that most don’t know the ick-inducing sensation of sneeze wetness on your sternum and between your boobs.

More girls have boobs than guys, right? Right.

And there’s no delicate way to wipe that, and I always end up looking down like it may have shown up on my chest like silly string or something else equally appealing. No way to hide that.

I also hate it when I sneeze, and tears leak from my eyes.

Guaranteed, one of two things will happen.

1. It will land on the lens of my glasses.

2. It will make me look like I’m starting to cry.

Sometimes both happen.

Then I look like I should be pitied as I clean my glasses, leaving me blind to the number of people looking at me and feeling pity for the poor girl with dirty glasses.

Just my thoughts on something my body occasionally forces me to do.

Bless you

Insanity Strikes! Passively… Why am I doing this?

Insanity tries to influence your life in many ways, and most times what Insanity suggests you do you will NOT do because you know, logically, that it’ll get you in trouble. Or it’s weird. Or it’ll be embarrassing and beyond how weird you’re willing to be.

Especially in public.

The crazy ideas will make you smile, either as you are thinking it or as you think on it later, but you will recognize it as a crazy idea or thought. Insanity will be barking out these ideas, spewing them like a unicorn spews rainbows to tap dance upon, pantomiming them in your daydreams until that muscle in your face that you never consciously use starts twitching. Then Insanity will point out that you actually developed an eye twitch, and you may or may not follow the suggestion to tell your friend excitedly that that ACTUALLY happened.

It is in this way that we can join forces with Sanity to keep out of jail or a padded room.

But it is when Insanity suggests things in a more passive way is where you have to watch out.

Do you know what I mean? That passive idea from Insanity that isn’t so hard that you have to go out of your way to do, or is private enough that you don’t see why you don’t NOT have to do it.

Take my morning for example.

I’m getting ready to leave for home for the Christmas break, have another 2.5 hours until I have to leave to have a LOT of time to wait at the train station… And this is after having a shower and finishing pacing and making sure that anything spoil-able in the apartment doesn’t have the chance to go off…

So I rolled out of bed and texted my Mom to not call to make sure I’m up (something that we established last night), gathered up all of the things I need to take a shower and went to the bathroom.

As a side note, I had to gather up everything because after the beginning probation period I set, my bathroom co-user has failed phenomenally in displaying the right amount of sanitary sense. He leaves thousands of tiny little nasty hairs on the floor of the shower, is gross with the soap bar at the sink and suds up a ring around the entire sink and on the floor… and he also, for some reason, hides the shower spray and the toilet bowl cleaner behind the toilet. I’m not leaving any of my soaps, shampoos/conditioner/body wash or towels or bath mat (for the shower) within easy access.

But I had my shower, cleaned myself up, dried myself off, and was going to put back on my pj’s… why? Because I was too lazy to grab clothing, and my pj’s were clean enough.

But apparently not, because after finishing putting on my pajama pants, I was about to put back on the shirt I had decided on as a pajama top when I decided to give the sniff test.

The sniff test, for those who are denying that they do it, is the test to see if your shirt actually smells that bad. For me at least, the sniff test has three levels.

One is that I’m checking if it’s something I’ve already washed but forgot.

Two is checking if that shirt I’ve already worn is fit to be worn again.

Three is to see if it is something I’m fine sleeping in. I don’t have any designated sleeping shirt except for the few shirts I have that are hole filled and kind of grungy shirts that I keep hold of for sentimental reasons. Like my SkyDome t-shirt. It will never really be the Rogers Centre in my mind. Never.

But the shirt I had slept in last night no longer passed the third sniff test, and so I folded it up in my bath mat with my soaps and whatnot, wrapped my towel around my torso, and made the short walk back to my room.

Here is where Insanity suggests, passively, disinterestedly, offhandedly, in such a way that it seems totally logical… the idea that has me writing this up now.

“Why do you have to put a shirt on now?”

Well, I don’t.

Not really…

And by NOT putting on a shirt it means I can procrastinate putting together an outfit for a while.

If I put on a shirt now, it mean I have to decide on an outfit so that I don’t have to change shirts later if I really want to wear different pants.

And it’s not like it’s cold…

When Insanity gets logical like this, you know it’s channeling your procrastinating mindset, and it’s enough to get Sanity to agree… even if reluctantly.

So here I am, writing this up while I’m in the mindset, while I have no shirt on (because I know that some reading this are wondering), listening to tunes on Grooveshark, and wondering what Lexy will think of this if she ends up reading this during the time I’m on the train.

Part of her, I’m sure, is embarrassed that I’m writing a post on this, without a shirt or bra or anything on (That’s a lie… I’m wearing a necklace), and yet part of me is also wondering if she’ll end up saying something witty about this post when I next see her face-to-face… like maybe “Nice shirt… glad you have one on…” or perhaps “I see you’ve bundled up” or something even more vague that wouldn’t suggest to the rest of the family or anyone else listening that I was at some point going topless.

I feel like the song I’m currently listening to (Warhol’s Portrait of Gretzky by Hawksley Workman) works pretty well with how weird I’m feeling right now…. because I’m still not really seeing a problem with being naked up top.

And if anyone wants to know what Sanity says on this subject right now, she’s pretty fine with it… not really thinking it’s okay that I’m writing a post about it (Insanity approves), but since I’ve locked my door and aren’t parading around sans shirt in front of an open window, this isn’t exactly a BAD idea, or an embarrassing one, or one that will haunt me for the rest of my life…

Wow that has a possibility of coming back and biting me in the ass. Perhaps this post will become the written equivalent of a meme. I don’t know.

If anyone’s wondering what kind of thoughts I’ve had since being topless for this amount of time….

There’s a lot more of a breeze/air movement in my room than I thought.

My necklace pendant keeps tapping me. (it always did that, I’m just noticing it more)

The chords of my headphones are taking a page from my necklace, but to the side.

I wonder what it would be like if I had hair as long as it once was before I first donated hair a couple of years ago.

You notice the stray hair stuck you your chest/stomach (from your head) a lot quicker. It’s just more obvious.

You notice the recently dyed purple hair even more. (I got streaks to the lower layers of my hair… I don’t think I ever ended up mentioning this)

You look down a lot more often, and wonder why.

I wonder if I would feel more awkward about walking around without a shirt or bra if I hadn’t gone to Rangers and had a roommate who took off her shirt as soon as she was inside.

I wonder if this would feel more awkward if I hadn’t ever played strip poker or never went skinny dipping.

I wonder if someone more self-conscious than me would have stopped writing this after a little while to go put  shirt on.

Thought: Jeez, the chair back is cold

Thought: ACK! Shiver of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM….

Stretching  is weird.

It’s actually a bit colder than I thought it was in my room…

Thought: I wonder if any of my roommates will ever read this… hm. Whatever.

And now I have to go finish packing. Read Lexy’s latest post HERE, because it’s significantly more serious than this was, and a good warning to people who have dogs and buy treats for them.

I may write another blog post or two while on the train. I don’t know. Depends on if the train wifi is going to crap out again.

CAN’T WAIT TO BE HOME!

Oh, and while I’ve written about how Insanity has suggested  I go outside without pants on (painted on pants… use the paiiiint DON’T DO IT!), I won’t ever go outside casually without a significant piece of clothing (ie. a shirt, pants, shoes [in winter]…). To the family, if you were wondering, this is just an odd experience for me. Mom, that text you got from me? The one that says “hahaah, I’m feeling really odd right now… can’t wait to be home,” doesn’t that ‘odd’ have a whole new meaning now? Have fun with that 😀

The Difference Between a Writer and an Actor: The Muse

I think that there is a reason that Actors and Directors and whatever end up doing what they do, and writers and script writers end up doing what they do.

I think it’s mainly the mindset of the person in question, when their muse kicks them in the face.

Two people are thinking. They are, for some reason, thinking of a fight scene.

Perhaps those two people are angry at someone for eating their cereal (perhaps even their roommates), or are in a bad mood because of exams and in their inner imagination, imaginary them is kicking imaginary Exam’s ass all across a papery, lead smudged landscape. Either way, one imaginary character is beating up another imaginary character.

Your Muse is one character. There is no choice in this, it is just so.

Sometimes you are in the mindset of your Muse character, YOU are the muse. In imaginary situations like these, you are working with your Muse towards an ultimate creative goal, towards that intensely interesting idea or image that’s been niggling at the back of your mind for a while now. Like the idea to mix Baileys and eggnog, or to go to BulkBarn and buy a lot of wafer sticks and chocolate to try to make a gigantic KitKat bar… The other is some other representation.

Sometimes you are the referee in the fight, or just a spectator. As a referee, you can stop and rewind the match, redo parts if you will. As a spectator you’re letting things go on, rooting for your Muse against this imaginary menace. In this situation you are reviewing ideas you’ve had for a while, pairing them together with other ideas that you’ve had at some point.

Occasionally you are facing your Muse. It is in these situations that it is actually your Muse who initiates this daydream. It is in these situations you wish you hadn’t always imagined your Muse as such a bad-ass. This situation arises when you have been neglecting your Muse, and haven’t been letting the creative juices flowing.

To get these creative juices flowing, your muse will kick you in the face.

Watch as the juices flow.

But back to the two people.

Regardless of what sort of match up this is, these two people see an amazing move, something realistic that looks too cool to NOT be expressed in some way.

So, Person Z starts thinking about how they could possibly imitate that move, how they could possibly train for it. If Person Z has training in some sort of fighting, they will think about the other moves that they could possibly combine to do that move, they will try looking up fake fighting techniques (on Google or YouTube or anything else) to see if they could incorporate anything into pulling this off. They might also then imagine themselves pulling the move off in some sort of dramatic play or something.

Person 26, on the other hand, will think about how they could possibly describe that move. Those combinations of actions. How could they write it in such a way that the reader could fill in any gaps, how could they make it so that it wouldn’t seem stunted or stuttering, choppy? Person 26 will try writing it down to edit later, and/or will try reading or watching something with an action scene in it, to get their mind working in such a way that they will be able to write this action, or actions, in a way that flows. They will try to imagine what kind of plot they could use this in.

To show that I didn’t have any preference between the two, I didn’t name them A and B or 1 and 2 or X and Y or anything else that has a first one and then the other kind of connotation or connection.

Person Z is the actor, and Person 26 is the writer.

While the two may mix (example: John Green [writer] and his sort-of acting on a vlog [Brotherhood 2.0 or vlogbrothers]), your muse will, in some way, prefer to have you try to express the ideas they promote in SOME way, eventually.

I realized this a little earlier, while daydreaming in between studying, and realized that somewhere someone else is probably having a daydream as well, and might be thinking about acting it out instead of writing it out like I was thinking of doing.

I realize that from my title I’m kind of implying that the difference between an actor and a writer is their Muse, but everyone’s Muse is similar. It’s just the way that people use and react to their muses that’s different.

Muses will become lazy, or overactive, or will have a muse crash, or will be suddenly into that genre that you don’t actually like or write or whatever that often, or will be so into a certain thing that you end up blowing off other things to try to get it out of your and your Muses systems…

And I’m not trying to say that your Muse will always show you things via intense fighting, but I am saying that your muse, if you ignore it will kick you in the face.

Ka-POW! The creative juices are now flowing. (you are not the Zebra, you are the lion that just got pwned)

P.S. Update on studying: IT SUCKS! But is getting done. It is the shit hitting the fan in my mind. It’s everywhere.

I Laugh at Unfortunate Things

I have a bit of an issue when I rewatch movies…

I laugh at unfortunate things.

For example, I was watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine earlier, and in the beginning, where kid Wolverine gets all pissed off and starts screaming, looking at those new spiky claws bursting forth from between his knuckles…

I was laughing.

Laughing pretty darn hard. Dramatic kid acts dramatically.

Later, when there’s the dramatic parting between Victor and Jimmy/Logan, I’m giggling a fit, and as soon as it scene flashes to the Canadian Rockies, I’m still giggling, this time about how he’d like “I’m going to get away from the fighting… now where to do tha–CANADA! Canada! Of course!”

Of course, Canada… and then, after he decides to go Canadian, he also decides to be a lumberjack.

That’s not a cliché old Canadian job at all XD

In other movies, a character dies dramatically, I giggle, A very sad parting between two characters that you KNOW should be together.. giggles again..

I think it’s because in the first time I watch a movie, I have all of myself distracted by the moving-pictures of newness to attract all of my attention, making me try to think ahead as to what’s going to happen (because I like to spoil ‘surprises’ for myself.. I usually guess right. I do this for books as well).

The second or third or whatever time around, I blame the giggles on my humour mixed with Sanity’s humour and Insanity’s humour.

Aha, I know that part of you, if you’ve read other posts of mine, are thinking “Right, Insanity and Sanity again, huh?”

But I also know that those same thoughts are thinking “Um, Sanity has a sense of humour?”

Yes, Sanity has a sense of humour.

And it’s very close to Insanity’s idea of it, especially in regards to movies.

Insanity can find humour in pretty much anything, and Sanity finds humour out of ridiculous things… like a kid yelling out while looking like they’re acting.

This leads to both laughing over stupid parts of movies that, if you were watching it get filmed on its own, you’d be giggling as well.

That usually causes me to giggle at cartoons as well, when a character says something that, when I think about them saying it in a studio, makes me laugh.

This is why any thoughts about acting–vocal or otherwise– have always been dashed.

My Mom can help me in convincing you of this, as she can tell you multiple times that I thought Id be clever and lie to her, and will have a serious face for about 2 seconds after I lie…

And then I’ll burst into giggles.

There’s some more inappropriate giggling…

Insanity and Sanity; The Two faces of the Same Turtle.

Oops, of course I mean the two erasers for the same coin.

But every Interesting Conversation Happens from Bad Listening

Loin?

What? Sorry, I wasn’t paying affection.

You have butt affliction? And Paid force it?

Neverwind.

Right.

I mishear many things when having conversations, and more often than not it isn’t because I’m getting old and losing my hearing, even though I’m not even 20 yet.

Wind, Hats with flaps over the ears, cars, traffic, trees, distracting things, music, people, and mumbling are all old frenemies of mine. Friendly enemies.

Because of that group I have had many conversations that has lead to much laughter, and a bit of going off topic, but it has also made me seem insane on more than one occasion.

“Hey, did you want to go to the park later?”     A friendly question.

“What?”     Startlement. Shock. Experience that says that they should be repeating what they said before I call the cops.

“Um, Did You Want To Go To The Park Later?”   Unsure, and curious.

“Oh, sure! I thought you said something totally different! I thought you’d said ‘did you want to bury the body later?’ hah!”    Relief. Confusion that my friend is backing away slowly.

I eventually developed a way to distinguish what people are actually saying from the insanity that my mind replaces their words with, but I feel it also caused me to develop something often seen in cartoons.

You know, the little cartoon Angle and Demon that poofs onto the characters shoulders? One suggesting you do the Right Thing, and the other saying To Hell With It! HAVE FUN! BWAHAHAHA!

But I don’t get the hallucinations, don’t worry.

Instead I have a small division in my mind with my Insane Side and my Sane Side.

Insanity translates what she hears to something she finds more interesting, shouting out to my consciousness what is being said.

Sanity Listens, writes down what is said, and then says what was actually said.

My Insane side is hunched over and grinning madly, giggling occasionally as the rest of the world goes by and fiddling with its thumbs. Occasionally Thumb Fights break out. Insanity only occasionally pays attention to the world outside of my head since it finds it so boring, but makes an effort to make it a little less boring by giving translations to what other people are saying to me. Of course she does it out of the goodness of her heart. After all, her heart was drawn onto her shirt really well, and even Sanity mentioned that it was pretty good.

My Sane side sits off to the side reading a book and listening to the outside world, a notebook off to the side. She occasionally looks up at Insanity to check what she’s up to, and often times writes down what she’s muttering to herself and her thumbs, and sometimes what she’s doing. Sanity makes sure that when Insanity pays attention to the outside world, she doesn’t try to affect it. When she does, Sanity writes it down and tries to fix whatever she’s done.

Sanity likes Insanity because Insanity is interesting, and writes down what Insanity does to laugh over later, and oftentimes what is in that notebook ends up in dreams and in my imagination. Sanity, as funny as it sounds, is my inner-novel-writer, even if she is a bit obsessive compulsive.

Insanity only likes Sanity when Sanity is being interesting, or when she’s managed to yell out translations loud enough to confuse Sanity and make her say “Yep, that’s what I heard as well… CONFIRM BEFORE CALLING COPS!” Insanity guides my hand when I’m drawing, and gets distracted easily, so my picture of a cow quickly turns into something abstract and awesome in a way that a normal bovine creature cannot be unless it is a CREATURE. Because of this distraction though, she also regularly finds new and more interesting things to think about, and is the voice in my mind saying “Lets do something else now… We can finish this later, kay? Bwahahaha…”

I will likely draw these figures before long, and will post them here once I figure out how to use the scanner on my printer…

Until then, I kind of picture them like Waldo and Odlaw (Odlaw, for those of you who don’t know, is Waldo’s brother.)

See? Two sides of the same Turtle.

See?

Oftentimes, even after I’ve finished getting over the fact that the person I’m talking to has not, in fact, invited me over for a Nazi party (:O), or jokingly called my a nipple (:S), or even asked me if I wanted to bury the body later, my insane side will still be muttering about how I should be worried, because They only corrected themselves because my reaction said that I don’t like Nazis and I would be a joykill rather than a jewkill at the party, and they called me a nipple because they have a malformed nipple that looks like a person–perhaps even like me personally–and They figure they can tell me about the body later, after they’ve buried it in my back yard.

This sometimes leads to more miscommunication, as my actual consciousness is busy laughing over the ridiculousness of what Insanity is muttering, and Sanity is too busy writing down what is being said to pay attention. Sanity likes to analyze these things later.

All in all, it leads to some interesting conversations, and an interesting mental picture of what Sanity and CRAZY would look like, as well as a kind of inside joke with my sister and a few friends who I’ve mentioned my sane and insane sides to.